Working in hockey is awesome. Working with children playing hockey is one of the single greatest things I’ve ever had the opportunity to do. They’re so cute and I love talking to all of them all day. (They’re here for hours of course) And most are here so often they’re not the least bit shy to talk or hangout with me.
One of my favorite skaters - and excuse me, she’s NOT 9, she’s 9 and 3 quarters - who’s hung out with me every day for the last year told me she wished I was her big sister the other night. My heart just about melted into the floor. She’s the coolest little kid on the planet and it makes me so happy that she comes to look for me and is completely comfortable just hanging out by herself.
I mean there’s a lot of kids here who I love that have no problem hanging off of my body with no shame at all, and that’s awesome to me. But because I know this girl so well I could see exactly how she felt when she told me she wished I was her big sister.
These kids give me so much confidence going into pediatrics. I know the work will be hard this last year of school, but knowing I get to work with so many children at the end of it takes some of the edge off.
Some people might “HATE” kids, but you need to give children more credit than the one badly behaved kid screaming in the mall. Childrens minds are fascinating. The way they think is amazing. They’re funny, innocent and genuinely carefree. Kids are awesome. Tiny humans. You were one once.
Already having a tough time with this eating more thing.
McDonalds fixed that right up though
Today was pretty interesting.
As previously mentioned, I randomly decided to drop acid this morning. It was my second time doing it (although I toned it down big time because it’s still just a Sunday) but it was still pretty nuts. Had its ups and downs. Downs were the parts when I came to the conclusion that dropping acid in 28 degree weather if you plan on seeing the outdoors sucks. For the most part.
Seeing everything so dead and empty was depressing. Everything is grey and dreary. Dead trees and damp soil everywhere was so overwhelmingly sad. Sunset was wonderful and I enjoyed twilight. I enjoyed being indoors. I just wouldn’t do it while experiencing the outside coldness/sadness again. That part felt pretty awful and made me feel so sad for everyone.
I’m in the afterglow now. I feel really good. Relaxed. Genuinely content. I lied around a lot earlier this evening which was cool. I never do that. I never have the time. I even watched tv, something else I never do.
I’m happy I’m tired. Some would find it inherently odd that I decided to do this today, or by just the idea I’ve done it at all. I guess I don’t blame you, but you know, there’s not a lot out there that can make me feel carefree. Or just enough to have a clear mind.
As somebody who suffers from OCD, it really is an unbelievable experience…Never in my life have I been able to sit down for a minute and just let my mind “relax” as I like to put it. Sit still. Or just be “normal” perhaps. My anxiety evaporates. The rapid thoughts and triggers literally diminish. I can mentally accept “living in the moment” and fully acknowledge my surroundings without being preoccupied by haunting thoughts/worries/questions. It’s fascinating.
It makes me feel very appreciative. I forget about the little things that I realize shouldn’t be causing me stress in the first place. Eager to try harder in life. Let the hesitant part of me go.
People can give me shit all they want, if they insist to do so. You won’t see me making statuses about what I’m doing. No hashtags. No pictures. I’m not in it for the flashy drug hysteria society seems to be fixed on. I’m no less of a person, less healthy or successful because of it. I’m still the same girl. I just have finally been given the opportunity to get away from my own monster, even if it’s just for a short while. It’s hard to escape something that consumes you when it’s your own mind doing it to itself.
Don’t mind me.
Casually dropped acid on a Sunday afternoon
I can’t even omg how am I going to the dog park right now